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It was May 22, 2005. A day which I would have never forgotten and yet i would find there were more reasons. I was 16 at
the time, an average sophomore in High school, living in Brooklyn. It was my first concert ever in my life and there was this
peacefulness in the air and i felt so high that night. Even though, I wasn't high on anything or have been ever. The Backstreet
Boys were one of the singers and there were majorities others. But, they changed me from the moment i brought them on cassette
and just to see them live was a moment, i remembered. But what happened next, I didn't expect.
When they came on stage, people were screaming their heads off.. "Backstreet Boys rock" and such. I just screamed
like a 10 year old. It was this rush of adrenaline, peace, high, freedom and i felt absolutely beautiful. They came on stage
and just stood in a pose and we REALLY screamed. Then they started with "The Call," "Weird World," "I
Still," "I Want It That Way," "Incomplete," and "Everybody". And even though I was all
the way on top of the frigging area and I would die if i can touch or see Kevin face to face, I still think it was this breathing
taking, forever surreal moment. I screamed and by that time, since I sang along since the beginning of the concert, I lost
my voice. So i when i sang, i sounded off key, but it's not like anyone heard me.
So since no one heard my voice, I didn't care necessarily. So since my brother took me to the concert (it cost a lot
of money) He’s 20 and his name is Rob. I said "Come on I wanna meet them." Rob looked at me dumbfounded
and he said "what?" I said "I wanna meet them. I went outside the arena. With the food vendors, t shirt vendors,
bathroom etc. I ran so fast looking for any place that lead backstage, franticly looking desperate for a door. That led there.
My heart pumped more and more fast with the thought of seeing and touching Kevin. So, finally i found a door. My brother created
a story that someone got hurt and sunk past the security guards. I went down a hallway that looked like a college dorm. All
the doors were wood and there was caperating. I saw guys with mic sets on the carpeting and they kept on saying "Checking
lights, and sound. Test 1, 2,Kelly Clarkson on next."
I finally found the door said " Backstreet Boys." I was dumbfounded off my ass, and paralysed in that moment.
Here, i was staring at the door and was about to meet the group that was my love, inspiration, miracle in life. It felt like
a never ending moment. Reality flushed back into me, and I franticly pushed it open. And they were in front on my eyes. They
were all talking and when I opened the door they turned around at me and looked at me bewildered. I couldn't blame them. Aj
had a towel on his shoulder, and he's walking around , vocalizing his voice. Kevin, the love of my life, was sitting in a
chair backwards playing cards with nick. Brian had baylee and baylee was crying and brain was trying to calm him down. Howie
was in another room eating chocolate chip cookies. I looked at all of them, and stared, blank, not believing what i was seeing.
Just the thought process in my head was all screwed up. The thought " I'm here with the Backstreet Boys and Kevin Richardson
<3" couldn’t register in my head.
Finally, after we both standing at each other, I decided to break the silence. I know this sounds over dramatic but i
just said "Kevin......" and my voice trailed off. Tears formed in my eyes, gradually. I couldn't fight the feeling.
I mean, who would? Then they started to fall faster like rivers, oceans, ad lakes. And they weren't sad tears. For once in
my life, in a long time, I wasn't crying sad tears. The kind where you fall apart and you sit i your room in the dark and
cry desperate tears because you lost someone or loved or cared for. But these weren't those tears coz i cried those tears
and i know what its like from past experience. So, These were happy tears, the ones where someone says "I love you."
And you say " I love you." And you don't care what happens. You're just wrapped in the moment. That's what i felt.
I finally met the group I loved since i was 8 and i loved them since that day and I was here, with them!! So tears were
streaming down my face rapidly. and they were uncontrollable. and i didn't care. And I was smiling thru all of this, like
it was this moment that was stopped and captured and I felt alive. And I was alive. They all stood there in silence, in awe.
And Kevin finally spoke to me and said "It's okay." He came near me gradually and touched my face , the side of
my face, gently. Almost like a wind gust on an October day-strong but gentle. And his voice was gentle( like it is in any
song) gentle like a whisper. A whisper that dissolved into thin air.
The whisper touched my soul and made me my heart fly and spark flames, inevitably. So, as he was next me, I blushed and
felt shivers coming from my heart and down my spine. He looked at me and at this point, I finished crying and said "What's
your name?" Like a two year old, I used my sleeve and wiped my face, I replied "Anna." And he smiled. One of
those 100 Watt smiles and those friendly smiles he always has that brightens his face, like always. His hazel, green eyes
sparkled like heaven and I just stared at him for the longest time. If it was up to me, I would end the story like this. Unfortunately,
faith was not in my hands, it was in God's. So, as the moment deceased, Aj comes and looks at me. He said " Hey Kiddo.
Tell me about yourself." I laughed and said "Sure, Alex. What ya wanna know?" "Everything and Anything."
In started to say who I was and I told them events about my life. I was born a premie and I'm good hard working student. I'm
Italian and Roman Catholic. And I concluded that I didn't like it when my family fights. In fact, I said "hated it."
Aj looked at me with a feeblish smile and bit his lip. "Yeah I know. My parents got divorced when I was four. They fight
and fight over nothing. It's so sad. " He said shaking his head. He came and put his arm around me and held me close.
A tear came down my cheek because I knew that Aj McLean knows what it's like to be through hard events. Look at where he came
from - a long way, I mean. Nick stepped in and exchanged a few comments and finally I spoke to Brian and Howie. I hugged Brian
because I love his character . He's so down to earth( like Kevin) and he preaches his religion which is a good thing considering
if you lost it. His kid is so cute, they're both loveable.
After I exchanged a few words with all of them. I finally sat down and asked them serious questions. How did the group
form? How did they meet? What was each person's experience and lesson from AJ's addiction? They said as a whole that they
met in Florida and in 1992 and they had the same ideas. They said that Aj's addiction was a shock, and a very dramatic wake
up call that was down to earth. Kevin looked me straight in the eye and said " I told Aj to stop drinking and doing drugs
numerous times. My intentions were only right and justified. I was looking out for him and his well-being. I love him. We
all do. Not like....you know. Well... you get me. So finally one day, I had it up and above my head. I kicked opened his door
and said Alexander James McLean ...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?I screamed and cursed at him every name under the sun. He laughed
sinisterly. Aj butted in, " But after that, I cried my ass off for hours. Reality crashed in my door." Kevin continued,
" I, personally didn't care if he had dropped out of the group . I didn't care about him, at all. I didn't care about
him if he didn’t care about himself." Aj said" I realized I loved myself, then I loved my mom and my family
and friends. I loved the fans and I loved these guys. I went to lab and that’s when i went public and I was on national
TV- the Oprah show. And they decided to follow me. These guys." He laughed. He continued " This is the hardest thing
I had to do in my life. Kevin said, chuckling, as he put his arm around Aj for a second, "I'm proud of him now. Everyone
is, too. He should be too. " Aj said "I am."
All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door. I was scared just a little, but I didn't expect anything to happen. I
mean, What's the worst that could happen?, I thought to myself. Maybe someone needed to talk to B.S.B. So i sat in the seat
where I was seating the whole time. I was sitting next to Kevin. And I clutched his hand, with a sense of reassurance, in
my head. I was only all over him because he's my favourite member. He's way too sexy.
I clutched his hand even tighter, when the person at the door knocked twice. I think they were getting angry. They said
"OPEN the damn door now!!" My heart started to race. I looked at Kevin’s eyes and sensed something wrong.
I clutched him even tighter, fear was growing upon my back. I hugged him and ( I had to do this). I kissed him on the cheek
three times. If he wasn't married, I would kiss him on the lips and do more.(laughs) So, I made my lips touch his skin on
his cheek and made the kiss dissolve. I made the taste of his skin linger on my lips, innocently and devishly. My lips longed
for more, but I forced myself to resist. So I just stayed as he hugged me. That was enough for me, I thought to myself. As
he caressed my back and touched my silky brown, straight hair, I felt a calmness come over and entered my head. I felt that
if something happened next, he would find me again and it didn't matter because I have in my arms right now, at this moment.
I love him. I love them. Everything made sense. I didn't care about anything except my dream has come true . It's almost I
felt the chorus lyrics of "Lose it all.” I sat and waited for a resolution to come. All of this was happening
in slow motion.
And if I lose it all
There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall
'Cause knowing you are out there breathing
It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it
I lose it all, if I lose it all
Wouldn't matter anyway
AJ has finally gotten up, walking towards the door. I shut my eyes tight and Kevin whispered in my ear" Don't worry,
Anna. You’re with me now. Nothing will happen. " Aj opened the door and my world fell apart, literally. I heard
voices that said " We're the police and we have to arrest a girl named Anna Bellone right now!” Once again,
tears formed in my eyes. These tears were sad, frustrated and confused tears. I opened my eyes and stood up and looked at
the police. I, then, stared a the Backstreet Boys and I dropped on my knees and cried "WHY?!? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!?
." I cried in desperation to Kevin" HELP me, Kevin!!!" I grabbed Kevin's sleeve and yanked it so hard. My face
was red and wet from crying and crying. I was hyperventilating
I refused to leave Kevin and the group. The police tried to talk to me, I didn't listen. I kicked chairs and screamed
to make them let go of me. Finally, they hit me a wooden stick and I shut up. They forced my hands around my back. They arrested
me.
I looked at Kevin in the eye. And I stared and cried, "Don't leave me, Kevin. Don't leave me. Find me!" They
walked me to the cop car and as I walking there, the BSB watched and their eyes lit up with tears. Kevin gasped my hand and
held it tight. I kissed him one last time on the cheek , not knowing whether or not I’ll ever see him again. He
let go of my hand like a lost grip, or as if all my hope has been lost. I took his face and captured it in the moment, in
my mind. I kept the image in my face in my mind.
I finally left him and the group. The last thing I've seen and was awake was that they rode me to a police station and
I was jail. Then I closed my eyes, somehow. I was too lost to find out what happened. I've lost the will to try. I gave into
sleep. It made me be connected with them.
I wondered what was going to happen when I would wake up in jail. Was anything to real? Would I see them ever again in
my life? What was there to believe? Will they ever be there for me again? And why was I in jail? What did this all mean?
My cares and worries pushed me to sleep. I slept the whole day.
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